My Personal Pregnancy Journey

I’m not a doctor, an OB, nor knowledgable in anyway in this area. This is not for media purposes, nor am I getting paid to share this! This is our pregnancy journey, shared on my personal blog to hopefully help other couples going through similar situations. This has taken months to write and post and has been my hardest post to date, but here we go!

Where to start… Well I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and for those who don’t know,  it’s a boy! It’s such a surreal feeling to be saying that and sharing this news. I will be completely honest; it hasn’t been an easy process. For so long I have read all these miracle stories about pregnancy and watched via social media / media all these women I admire fall pregnant at the drop of a hat (well that’s what it felt like anyway). After two years of trying and three miscarriages I thought it was never meant to happen for us and also couldn’t help think, what is wrong with me! But pregnancy is the hardest race of all and if miscarriages are so common, why does no one talk about it? I have the most amazing supportive friends, family and husband however what we went through over the past two years, I have never felt more alone. I guess this is a big reason I wanted to share my personal story, via the blog. To let women know, that trying for a baby and pregnancy is filled with up’s and downs and that you are not alone. Even though statistics show one in five women miscarriage, you can’t help but feel like the only women going through it at the time.

We fell pregnant immediately, which gave me confidence that my body was not broken and eased all my previous health anxieties. The first scan revealed the miracle of life growing inside me and despite a massive panic about money, work and timing we were over the moon. But it wasn’t to be. At 9 weeks we naturally miscarried. In and out of emergency it was a frightening and alarming experience, but one we picked ourselves up from 6 months later and tried again. Again overwhelmed with joy at the result of a positive pregnancy test again, but alas 12 weeks later the babies heart stopped and we endured a D&C (dilation and curettage) which allowed us to research the embryo and explore the results for a more clearer conclusion. (extra set of chromosomes ) My heart was broken and I was so low, but life continues as does work and putting on a brave face masked the pain.

Wearing AJE Gown

Photographer: Scott Elher

Wearing Talulah Dress

Photographer: Scott Elher

It’s the most emotional roller-coaster I have ever been on. From extreme highs to devastating lows. I was extremely open about my miscarriages with friends and family and I guess anyone who asked if I was ok. Talking openly about these two really helped me through them and I know helped a handful of women who also sadly endured miscarriages after hearing my story and thanked me for being so open. They knew they weren’t alone.

The third came as a surprise and was only 5 weeks along, still a reminder that bought emotions to the forefront and constant questioning of what is wrong with me, my body, was I that unlucky? I read every forum, every blog about strong women enduring multiple miscarriages even up to 10, their struggles both emotionally and mentally. It helped and made me address the thoughts in my head and really dissect the situation for my own mental health.

My husband and I decided to take some time out from trying, find ourselves again and embrace whole heartily what we had gone through. This in turn was the best decision we made, as I now respect my body and every thing it did and was capable of. My memories are still bruised but I’m so much stronger for it all. It made me realize that I/we needed time.

Feeling stronger then ever, both personally, as a couple and mentally we decided to give it another go, also coming to terms we would happily try two more times before seeking IVF or even the avenue of adopting.

On the 9th November we found out we were pregnant. Once you’ve had a miscarriage – that magic made-for-TV “we’re pregnant!” moment is never the same. With nervous hearts and heads we were excited and thankful for the little spirit on board, but at the same time – you can’t help but wonder if s/he’ll ever make it to your arms. After many blood tests, scans at both the ultrasound clinic and with my obstetrician ( Dr Rahul Sen / an absolute legend ) we can with so much relief share our news with everyone. A healthy (extremely active) baby boy is due early July.

The first 18 weeks were one hell of a ride, from morning sickness, to exhaustion, to having to get nose cauterized due to excessive nose bleeds!  Then in this last trimester my iron count had depleted 94%, so I had to have a iron infusion. Ahh the joys of pregnancy….. but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Every day I wake up feeling so lucky to be in this position and I’m in complete love with my body that is changing every day. I’m so in awe of what it’s capable of.

Brace yourselves, By Nikki Phillips is about to be Mumma Blog. I look forward to being honest / real about this experience, sharing things we really want to know. From products, body issues to food and exercise. I Can’t wait to share this journey with you all.

My sincere hope is that this post can offer the same or some type of comfort and validation to those who have had or will someday experienced a miscarriage of their own. There are so, so many of us – not just the women going through the physical loss, but the fathers and families who feel it too. The journey of pregnancy is a long one, from IVF, ectopics, endometriosis, chromosomes, and miscarriges. Let’s stick together and talk about it

You aren’t alone. XOX

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